When we first started our TMMO I was like a gazelle on steroids, drinking energy drinks, laced with coffee. I was HARDCORE! I had good intentions and I thought those intentions would be seen by my wife. See I only saw that I was trying to force her to be where I was, and that was really a bad move. My wife actually told me once that Dave Ramsey was ruining our marriage. Talk about your ears perking up. It’s a good thing she did too, because I heard it loud and clear. I needed to slow down.

So focused on making progress that she was on board with, and let her come around with the intensity part. As soon as I backed off, and she started seeing how great it was to get these things paid for, we were both gazelles.

I sometimes give my wife a hard time about the things she buys but I know I shouldn’t. It’s her FREEDOM FUND, as we now like to call it. It’s money we get every month that we can spend on anything we want. No questions asked. See my problem is I am an all or nothing kind of guy. I’d rather be doing nothing, or doing it all AS FAST AS I CAN. That tends to get old especially when you are trying to be a team. When you try to force someone against their will you get nowhere and fast.

2. How do you plan on getting better at that one thing?
Well I need to remind myself that without my wife, we would have never made it this far, as quick as we did. I need to work harder on being understanding about her wants and needs. I need to be more patient and understand that I am more passionate about this than she is, and that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care, it just means she needs more time. I want her to walk with me not be pulled behind me kicking her feet.

KIDS
1. Do you give into them more than you should?
I do happen to give in to my kids more than I should. I am the sucker of the family. I sometimes try to get my kids something even if it is little, and I know I need to be careful. I have done much better in the last year.

2. Have you ever talked to them about money?
I do talk with my son regularly about money. He’s 3 until July and he has earned money, split it into savings, giving, and spending, and we went out together to buy him his first ever toy with his own money. It wasn’t much but he began to realize that day that the money he had couldn’t buy anything he wanted. He gave some to the church and has some stashed away for that rainy day.

I struggle the most with being patient, for sure. When I find something that makes complete sense to me and I think it’s going to be of great benefit to my family, such as Dave Ramsey’s total money makeover plan that I discovered a few months ago, I tend to jump right into it. My husband, on the other hand, is more skeptical about just about everything and it takes a lot longer for him to get on board with things. I do struggle with the fact that changes do take time and that I need to be more patient with these changes.

2. How do you plan on getting better at that one thing?

Well, I think I have been getting better at being more patient during these past few months as my family has started budgeting, using cash to pay for items instead of the credit card, saving more money, etc. It was a big adjustment for us to stop swiping our credit card for everything, and I have been patient with my husband who has been doing a great job with the switch. I could become more patient with him and with myself by trying to let go of my perfectionism and realize that I can’t create the “perfect” budget every month and that I will get better at budgeting as the months pass.

BONUS: Set aside 15 minutes to get to know your spouse. (worth 5 extra entries)

My husband and I spent some time talking the other night about how we both feel about our housing situation. We recently accepted an offer on our home that we’ve been trying to sell for about a year and a half. Now we need to figure out if we want to purchase another house right away or rent for awhile. At the same time, there’s a possibility that my husband may face unemployment in the fall due to budget cuts. Before our conversation, I thought that my husband was wanting to purchase a home right away that is bigger and more expensive than what we need. I learned, however, that he just wants to look at houses to see what’s out there in the market so that we can make the best decision and he’s willing to rent an apartment too. It turns out that we are actually both being realistic about our situation…we just hadn’t discussed it in an actual “sit down discussion” before and I assumed things about him that weren’t even true! And I also realized we need to talk like this more often.

1. Do you give into your children more than you should?

I don’t think I do. I have two young children, 3 and 1, and when the older one asks me to buy toys when we’re in the store, I usually always say no. He wanted a certain Thomas the Train engine a few months before his birthday, and I said “Not today, but maybe somebody will give it to you for your birthday in a few months.” He said ok, and he waited patiently for 2 months, never forgetting about it. Then he got it for his birthday and was thrilled!

2. Have you ever talked to them about money?

I’ve tried talking to my older son about how we can’t spend all of our money, that we need to save some of it in the bank. I would love some ideas about how to talk about money issues with a 3 year old…I’m just not sure how to explain these concepts in a way he’ll understand. I think it’ll be easier when they get a little older.

I hope your husband one day sees the value in getting rid of it now, so he can enjoy the things he wants later without guilt or shame.

As for your kids, it’s always neat to see kids grow up in the same house and have two different unique personalities. Your younger son is going to rock the finances it sounds like. It sounds like the oldest one needs FPU. LOL

I think getting better at being patient takes pure practice. I am right now practicing patience (not necessarily willingly) because I have to pay the IRS instead of paying off my car. It is killing me! I believe God is teaching me to be more purposeful rather than just jumping on something, so I am daily telling myself to be patient, that last payment will come. Hopefully I don’t have to go this slowly with every debt!! It will be like Christmas morning for me when I make that final payment.

I’m pretty patient with my husband regarding his financial “style” now. We have grown tremendously in the last 3 years as a married couple. We have much more respect for one another, and really seek out each other’s opinion about pretty much everything. It was painful getting here, but now it’s really nice, so I can keep practicing being patient.

One victory we had–my DH saved all his “blow” money for a YEAR to buy a new Mtn. Bike with cash (I told him I didn’t care if he got it, IF he didn’t borrow ANY money to buy it). He did great. I told him that if he was that intense regarding paying off debt, there would be no stopping us:)

We’ll have a date Friday night, and a budget committee meeting this weekend. Have a strange paycheck this weekend (bonus, maybe), so need to wait to see what that looks like, then decide how to budget that money. I want to ask about his financial goals (he wants a new camper, eeeeek), and how he sees us getting that, with a college freshman etc.

As far as children go: have 2 DS 17 and 15.

We tend to ride them kind of hard, then give in for a while. Our oldest gets absolutely no spending money. He really doesn’t try terribly hard to get a job–not that there are many around right now. I see a lot of folks my age, driving nicer cars than me delivering pizzas, lol. However, we are scraping together money to send him on a big trip with a very select musical group this summer. He will graduate in May. He is going to have to pay part of his own college, since he has not been a great student in HS. Won’t get any financial aid. Made him save $500 for his truck, then we paid to fix it up.

Younger son saves every penny with a specific goal, has a small job for spending money, and is very frugal. Gotta watch him that he doesn’t try to con me out of cash when he has more in his wallet than I do. Will match his savings for a car next spring when he turns 16. Has to be a beater–he and dad will make sure it runs.

We talk to them about money a lot. They know we are working to get out of debt. Not sure the oldest gets this concept at all. Free spirit all the way, that one.

Giving is is too hard! I am the sucker in my household. We go to the store, and I suddenly want to buy my son the next best fun toy. I have gotten better over the years but my wife constantly has to remind me of what we want to teach him. If I buy him a toy every time he goes shopping he will eventually start to believe he can have anything he wants. That is not how you teach kids the value of money. haha. I’ve learned to say NO more than I say yes but I admit I can always do better.

When my son was just over 3 I finally opened up his piggy bank after approximately 6-7 months of putting change in it for cleaning etc. He loved putting the money in too!

Great comment Chris! Thanks!

1. What do you struggle with the most on the list?
Being Accountable- Sticking to something for me works for a while but I find were their are times when we lose site of what we’re trying to accomplish. For example we’re trying to save so we can build a house in the next 4 years. At first we were saving everything we could but then just a few months down the road I reviewed our savings and see were not saving what we set out to do.

2. How do you plan on getting better at that one thing?
I plan to change this by also being more specific with our monthly budget. It seems if we don’t hold ourselves accountable to a budget every month we always seem to spend our money in the wrong places.

KIDS

1. Do you give into them more than you should?
Unfortunatly, I’m not so good at this, I try to hold to this but I find myself giving in. This is hardest for me at Christmas time.

2. Have you ever talked to them about money?
My oldest son is two and a half and really doesn’t understand money, however whenever he helps out around the house I always give him a nickel for helping out. He doesn’t really understand the value of it yet but knows when he helps out we will reward him. He also likes to put the coin in his piggy bank, I think he enjoys that more than actually getting the money.

My younger son has a better grasp on finances and self-sufficiency than my older son. Younger has an ‘income crisis’ because it is so difficult to find a job. But he has one now and has been offered an assistant managerial position as soon as the current assistant moves up to manager. So, he’s sticking it out and has a plan to save and move on.

Older son has had an income crisis for some time. He’s also had some mental health issues that seem to be under control these days. He has been in training for EMS through the Volunteer Rescue Services (free classes, but cuts in to the days he can work). This training will lead to better opportunities for paid employment. I recently gave him my original copy of The Total Money Makeover after discussing a bit of the plan with him. I wanted him to get it directly from the source. (I bought myself the new version with my Amazon gift certificates and the end of my ‘free’ shipping (canceled PRIME effective 3/13 so was getting in my last hurrah!) – $4.61 was all it cost after applying the gcs). I have been rescuing this one for too long and have pulled the plug. We’ve had some great discussions and he has a plan that looks good on paper — now to execute said plan.

When the boys leave home (they both believe they’ll be doing this during the summer), it’ll be just me and my mother who has the early stages alzheimer’s and is currently battling breast cancer.

I’m working on securing that oxygen mask!

My sister, also a single mother, and I have committed to being our accountability partners. She lives in IL and I live in MD – but we talk almost daily. She has her own copy of the TMMO and we are starting anew.

I’m not sure what accountability questions to ask/have her ask me. I was hoping to get some ideas from others, but seems I am the only solo one so far.

Accountability questions:

1. Have you written everything in your budget?
2. Have you been consistent with stopping the bleed to your sons?
3. Have you been saying “no” to your compassionate causes?

If these aren’t the type of questions you had in mind, I’d be interested to hear what you meant by these accountability questions.

BTW – I am at the first baby step and working very slowly. I’ve known about Dave for some time. I have not taken action until now.