From the category archives:

money and relationships

Great Financial Advice From The In-Flight Safety Handbook

by Brad Chaffee on March 10, 2010

in money and relationships

No…You Don’t Have To Go Book A Flight To Learn This

I know what your thinking. “How in the world can an in-flight safety handbook help me financially?” I want to focus today on one specific part of those instructions. Skip ahead to the part about securing your oxygen mask in case of changes in the cabin pressure. Now I know you’re really confused, but bare with me. After hearing many stories of financial struggle, and dealing with the raw emotions that come with it, I want to discuss something that seems to be a pretty common issue among struggling families. I have received more than a dozen comments about this issue just over the past six months, so I finally decided to write about it.

Do you tend to worry more about those around you? No, I’m not talking about your husband, your wife, or young children. I’m talking about other family and even friends. One of the most common reasons I hear for people not being able to save an emergency fund, or keep one once they have it, is that they are constantly helping others. Every time they turn around, they see someone in need and feel obligated to help. Their compassion and guilt will not allow them to look the other way. They feel there is no choice.

So if we have figured out that the reason we cannot help ourselves, is because we are too busy helping others, then at least we recognize the problem. You have two choices—you either keep helping or stop helping. Here is where the rest of the oxygen-mask instructions come in handy.

“Remember to secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others with theirs.”

Why do they tell you to do that? It’s not because they don’t care about the person you may have to help. It’s because you have a better chance at helping them once you are sucking back some oxygen. You are no good to anyone, if you pass out. Secure your own mask, and then be compassionate! You will be in a better position to do so.

Secure Your Own Mask First!

So how can you apply this to your financial situation? That’s easy! Save an emergency fund for yourself before you start passing out money like you don’t need it. Secure your own future first because before you know it, that oxygen mask won’t be enough, and retirement will be right around the corner.

Wait just a second though. Once you have that Emergency Fund in place it doesn’t mean you’re home free. Your oxygen mask is not yet properly secured. There is more work to be done. Your emergency fund is to be used when YOU have an emergency. If you have extra money in your budget to help out that month, and it doesn’t require the use of your security fund, then by all means help out. Using your emergency fund to help out, is like putting your oxygen mask on someone else. Where does that leave you? Think about it.

You want to help, and Lord knows I want you to help, but you have to do it right—so you can be the most effective.

What about Compassion?

Am I asking you to let your elderly parents starve to death? Absolutely not! What I am asking you to do is consider other alternatives. Is there another way to help that doesn’t include playing financial Russian roulette? Sure there is, you just have to find it. You certainly won’t find it if you don’t look for it.

I volunteer with my church’s Mercy team, and when someone needs a financial push in the right direction, I’m right there. That’s not all they do though. They help people with rent/mortgage, groceries, electric bills, other utilities, and more. I also happen to know that there are so many other churches and organizations that are ready to step in and help out in tough financial situations. If your elderly parents fail to pay the rent, call around. Someone, somewhere will help you!

Dealing With Leeches

There is another component to this topic. Leeches should be the easiest to deal with, just for the simple fact that they live off of the sweat of others, which sometimes makes it easier to pull the plug. They most often are kids, which makes it tough for the parents because they feel even more guilty. Leeches play off of that guilt, and will suck it dry until it’s time to find their next unsuspecting host. I’ve seen it so many times—heck, it’s in my family. I’ve sure been irresponsibly immature with money before. I was always broke too.

Typical story: child/adult is bad at managing his money. When he does have money, he is too busy buying things to make him happy instead of acting responsibly. Perhaps said kid, still lives with mommy, and mommy continues to wipe his mouth every time he makes a mess. The parent in that situation is enabling bad behavior and even encouraging it. What that kid needs is a job, and some financial management classes, not someone to coddle him in the name of “helping” him.

One of the best books you can find on setting boundaries in your relationships, was written by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend and it is called, you guessed it—BOUNDARIES! This book will show you how to help in the right way, at the right time, and as you see fit. You must set boundaries!

P.S. Boundaries are not having your 40 year old son, who still lives at home, running to “mommy” every time he gets a cell phone bill!

Conclusion

You cannot be there for everyone—all of the time—no matter how hard you try. Sometimes you just have to take a step back, and find another way to help those in need. Sometimes people need to be allowed to help themselves, you know….LIKE YOU for instance! :D

You are not blessing others by destroying yourself! If you don’t have the money then you just can’t do it, and I would personally qualify not having your own emergency fund as not having the money. You need that first, then you need some extra money to help save those around you. It’s equally important to know when you’re hurting someone rather than helping them.

Work harder at getting yourself in a position to offer assistance. As they say, “SAVE YOURSELF!” Now you can save the world. Until then, learn how to say NO.

Give it a try. I bet you will make great progress, and you’ll feel a lot better about your situation after you do.

Good luck!

Since this is such a common thing, I was hoping to hear your thoughts and comments on this issue. Have you been there? How did you deal with it? What’s your story?

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Enjoy Frugal Entertainment Without Breaking The Bank

by Brad Chaffee on October 27, 2009

in Money Management, money and relationships

IsaacBWHow Do YOU Define Entertainment?

Quite frankly, all of us are different as far as what we value in life.  Entertainment to me could bore you out of the room, but what if I had a plan—making my sacrifice very methodical and purposeful? You value what’s more important to you, and make decisions based on the assumption that you will get something out of those decisions—whether it be fun, security, or both.

You have to sacrifice something—either in the beginning or later on in life.  NOW or LATER?  Instant gratification or financial security?  Instant gratification now, comes at a cost much greater than just monetary.  If you splurge now, you are making the decision to prepare later, but if you prepare now, then you will surely be able have some great fun after the hard work is done. What is it that you value?

Perhaps, you could search for some balance or maybe you want to get the hard part out of the way much faster.  Entertainment is what you make of it, but so is financial security. It’s something to think about.

The Money Side Of Things

It seems as though so many of us correlate entertainment with spending large amounts of money.  Sure it’s fun, and worth it at times, to spend money on entertainment for the family, but why not try to save money and have fun in the process.  If you are trying to pay off debt, then using this approach will benefit you greatly, as it will enable you to free yourself from the depths of bondage much faster.  It is even recommended.  ;)

When my wife and I decided to rid our lives of debt, we voluntarily forfeited any and all possibilities to splurge on taking expensive vacations.  I certainly wouldn’t advise that you do it all of your life, but in order to build a secure, and financially sound foundation, it is worth noting that it might be a good idea to focus more on the foundation, than being “entertained” into a debt-filled rut.  Again, I am not against fun, but a mature decision would be to delay pleasure, so that later you may have some without guilt, remorse or even worse-homelessness.  What’s the price you are willing to pay?  Every decision you make comes with a price.  Are you willing to pay that price?

13 Activities To Enjoy That Will Save You Money

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Outdoor Fun – (My personal favorites!)

  • Hiking – Explore nature, get exercise, and just enjoy the great outdoors.  This is one of my favorite activities and have really enjoyed the fact that Isaac has taken a liking to it as well.  If you happen to live in an area where there are no mountains, or no walking trails, then just take a walk around your city or town.  Enjoy the scenery.

*Cost – No cost, unless the hiking trail is in a state park where most of the time you only have to pay a very small parking fee.

  • Biking – We happen to live in a city that has plenty of bike trails surrounding it.  Of course you do not need a trail to go for a bike ride, but you should take any and all safety precautions when biking through town.  If the city in which you live does not have bike lanes, consider driving to a nice, big neighborhood and riding around it.  Even in a neighborhood setting it is still nice to take in the fall colors and nice breeze..

*Cost – Assuming you have bikes, no cost.  Otherwise, this could be expensive if you went out and bought bikes for every member of your family.  First, search around your city for places that sell used bikes.  Look on craigslist or local classifieds.  In our city there is a place called re-cycle that allows you to come and build your own bike from the parts that have been donated—for FREE.

  • Camping – Camping is fun for the entire family.  I still remember when my family would go to a local campground and we had so much fun.  There is usually always great fun to be had, even if it is cuddling up to a cozy fire and toasting marshmallows and telling stories.  Make Smores, but most of all make memories.

*Cost – Tent supplies and possible campground fees.  Again search on craigslist for used items but you can also find brand new tents for as low as $39.  Plan to save!

  • Horseshoes – A family cookout classic.  This game is so much fun.  Plan a cookout in your backyard, or at a local park and set up the horseshoe spikes.  There’s nothing wrong with a little family competition to liven up the party.  For younger kids, move the line to throw from as close as necessary.  You could also consider buying a set of kid’s horseshoes for safer play.

*Cost – Horseshoes can be found for very cheap.  For as little as $15, but as expensive as $50.  Remember: you are not a professional, so you probably only need the cheap set.  Think frugal!

  • State and Local Parks – You can play catch with a football or baseball, kick a soccer ball around, play Frisbee, have a cookout, let the kids play at the playground, or find a park trail.  Some parks have canoeing and other more adventurous activities.  Search online for a park near you.

*Cost – Usually just the cost of parking, or equipment rental.  Most of these activities can be done for free at the local park.

  • Tennis – I actually love to play tennis, even if I am just there to smack some balls around.  It’s great exercise and the whole family can play together.  Before Isaac was big enough to swing a racket he used to chase the balls around the court and believe it or not, he had tons of fun doing so.

*Cost – Rackets can be found for as cheap as $15 new, but I would recommend finding a racket on craigslist or a local yard sale.  You will not be competing in Wimbledon so keep that in mind before you chuck $75 bucks for one racket.

  • Basketball – Talk about fun!  Shooting hoops is a great way to bond with your children and shed some unwanted pounds in the process.  Even when they are too young to shoot, they find great joy in having you lift them up so they can toss the ball towards the hoop.  For small children you could even bring a kids Little Tykes basketball goal.  We have one for Isaac and he enjoys it very much.

*Cost – Basketballs are fairly inexpensive, so all you need is a few bucks and a destination.

Indoor Fun – (Fun and Cheap)

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  • Arts and Crafts – Make gifts for the family or just be creative with your little ones to encourage imagination.  There are  thousands of craft ideas that stimulate growth and mind development and as a parent you will get so much enjoyment out of watching them create.

*Cost – You should be able to do this for VERY cheap.  Construction paper, glue, sparkles, crayons, and anything else you have around the house can be of use.  Try to recycle and use items that would be thrown away like toilet paper tubes.

  • Board Games – This is a wonderful way to have fun together as a family on days when it is raining.  Go dust off the board games in your closet and have some fun together.

*Cost – If you do not have any dusty board games in your closet, you will have to buy some.  For the most part you can find board games as cheap as $10, but most of them are around the $20 price range.

  • Indoor/Home Camping – This one is one that we are planning to do tonight.  For the past 2 days I have been trying to go hiking with Isaac, and he has looked forward to going, then we wake up and are disappointed by the wet streets and cloudy skies.  We are going to put up a tent in our living room, grab some flashlights and tell stories around the campfire fireplace, as well as make some Smores.  This may not be as fun as the real thing but if you have young ones it is well worth the effort.

*Cost – If you have a tent there is no cost involved.  If you have no tent do not worry, because you can always be creative in finding a way to hang up a sheet or blanket to achieve the same type of shelter.  I will update you on how this turns out for us.

  • Darts – I don’t know about you, but I love to play darts!  Cricket, 301, or any variation of the many games available are a total blast.  If you are worried about the sharp points of the metal darts there is plastic tip darts and boards available.  They are fairly inexpensive to buy, but I would again recommend looking for a used one on craigslist or Ebay.

*Cost - It has been a while since I bought my board but I do believe you can get the original and the plastic boards for well under $50.  Actually I am pretty sure I spent about $29.99. Plan to save!

  • Local Museums – Are there any museums in your area?  If so this can be a great place to introduce your kids to something educational.  No matter what kind of museum it is, there is always something to learn and enjoy.  We like to go to Washington D.C. where the zoo (outdoor) and museums are free of charge, and the drive is well worth it.

*Cost – No cost unless you have some driving to do, or if the museum near you charges a small entrance fee.

  • Rent a Movie – Rain got you down?  Go rent a movie and buy some kettle corn and let’s turn this rainy day into a movie night.

*Cost – Less than $5.00.

Frugality Plan – A Call To Action

Everything on the list is fairly inexpensive, if not completely free. Even if you decide to throw frugality out the window, you have a choice to make: Buy your form of entertainment with debt, or an actual savings plan?  In other words, if you go all out, at least formulate a plan to enable you to spend cash on whatever you buy.  It is also worth mentioning that a plan includes spending a little time on researching your purchases, instead of just buying the first one you come across.  Knowing what you are getting for your money is a worthy goal to have.  Sometimes price does not determine quality or necessitate value.

These activities can help you get through a time, when you have decided to take the debt free plunge to annihilate that bothersome debt load.  Put the vacation on hold for a year or two, and you may find that your sacrifice was plenty worth it.  Trust me when I say I would love to take a cruise, or fly to some Caribbean island for a long island ice tea right on the beach, but our financial goals come first.  Actually, J Money (Budgets Are Sexy) and I, have a goal of one day taking a trip and meeting on one of those islands.  The trip will be debt free, and well worth the wait.  WHY? Because of our sexy budgets, savings, and retirement—oh my! Then comes the fun part—GIVING!!  One thing is for sure, J and I, we definitely agree on giving.

Bottom Line: Sacrifice now by saving, paying off debt, and building a substantial retirement so later you can have all of that extravagant fun with out all of the heavy bondage.  Remember that the time will come and you will have to pay it back.  Sacrifice now by doing the HARD part first—instead of later.  Frugal entertainment will get you through the hard part and provide countless opportunities to bond with your family.  What do you value?

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