After 10 Years of Marriage, I Still Have a lot to Learn.

The view from the lovely wine shop

The view from the lovely wine shop

My Husband and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary this Friday.   To celebrate we went away this past weekend and stayed in downtown Baltimore.

Clearly we had two goals with going away

1. Go far, far away from our darling children

2. Spend quality uninterrupted time together

Originally we had big plans lined up to celebrate this particular anniversary; we had a trip to South Carolina or NYC planned and budgeted accordingly.   After several discussions my husband and I agreed to not spend too much money and play it closer to home.

We settled on our two night get away and I promptly started planning.

Our first night was a huge success, we saw a comedian we really liked and hung out at a cool beer garden.   It was a winning formula for the two of us, seeing a show and having a few cocktails.

But this was our 10 year anniversary and I was dead set on the two of us having the weekend of a lifetime.

My vision for this weekend included dining at as many cool restaurants as possible.  Good food is kind of a hobby of mine…as in I like to eat great food as much as possible.  A few weeks before our weekend away I was able to score reservations to one restaurant that was getting great buzz and I could not be more excited.  This was for our second night.

Here is where things fell apart.

My husband does not share my hobby or interest in good food or restaurants.   He would be just fine if we rolled up to a diner for our big dinner date night, as a fancy restaurant.  In fact I think he would prefer it.

I had already dragged him to a specific place for breakfast and then another specific place for lunch.

I did not take my husband’s preference into consideration when making plans and as a result, felt let down as his lack of interest and enthusiasm grew with each new place.   He felt we were spending way too much money on not quite enough food.

I was hurt that he could not push himself to try and enjoy the experience more and offended and that he thought the food was “Meh.”  (Insert dagger to my heart!)  This of course made me resentful of having spent the money since he did not appreciate it.

Needless to say, we wound up canceling our big dinner plans as he was officially ‘done’ by our 3 pm cocktail at yet another specialty restaurant.

I could have saved us the trouble and the money

My husband is not a stranger; I have known this man for over 13 years.   His lack of excitement over great restaurants is not a new thing.   He is an amazing man and does many sweet and thoughtful things for me on a routine basis.  I did not need to force a restaurant gauntlet on the guy just to prove he loves me.

The reality is, I should have dialed down my expectations and made one cool reservation at one hot spot versus four.

Had I remembered who I was married to, I could have saved us both a lot of money and probably had an even better time.   But that is not to say that we had a bad weekend; despite my restaurant expectations, we had a lovely time and succeeded with both of our goals.

I was also able to learn a valuable lesson.  In ten more years we are going to stay home and send the kids away!

About Suzanne Coblentz

12 Responses to “After 10 Years of Marriage, I Still Have a lot to Learn.”

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  1. Travis says:

    If you don’t mind me saying, It sounds like you planned the perfect Anniversary that you wanted, and if your hubby is like most men he went with it because more than anything in the world he wants you to be happy.

    Being with his wife is all that really mattered to him.

    This post is very timely for me, Suzanne as my attention is completely locked in on July 6th – which happens to be a milestone birthday for Vonnie. I won’t say what birthday it is specifically, only that it’s the 11th anniversary of her 29th birthday.

    I’m a bit conflicted, as I know Vonnie loves to be surprised and would like nothing more than to wake up on her birthday with everything planned out. On the other hand, I want to give her the birthday SHE wants – which would most easily be done by having her involved in the planning process.

    • We really did have a great time! Ultimately we both felt recharged and just relaxed when we returned to our home.

      Hmmm that is a tough call with celebrating this very special occasion…have you considered enlisting the help of her friends and family to pull off the master planning? That way you get to keep the surprise element and plan with those who know her the best.

      Wishing you much luck!!! I am hoping there will be a blog about it 🙂

    • Hey! Vonnie and I share the same birthday – cool! Although I am a bit (cough.cough) older than her. I agree with Travis, I bet your hubby was happy just being with you, even if you did go a little crazy on the money aspect of things. :-). Marriage is one long journey of learning. The longer you’re together, the more you’ll learn (and love) about each other. Happy anniversary, Suzanne!

      • Hi Laurie!

        Happy almost birthday to you! We truly did have a great time, but I think it could have been as amazing as I wanted if I had just chilled a bit on the fancy fare. You are right, the important thing is that we keep learning and growing as a couple 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

      • Travis says:

        Hold on just a minute, Laurie……are you telling me that not only are you a fellow Minnesota blogger, but you have the same b-day as my wife? Too cool! Oh, and I know better than to ask what anniversary of your 29th birthday you’ll be celebrating. 🙂

  2. Scooze says:

    While I agree that a little self-reflection is a good thing, I wonder if you’re being too hard on yourself. Why did you have so much pent-up desire for good meals? Do you go out enough back at home? Did you get satisfaction out of the places you went earlier in the day? Was hubby excited enough to enjoy the earlier meals with you? If you’re a foodie at heart, and he’s not, maybe you need to consider some fun cooking classes as a birthday gift. Or perhaps a night out with girlfriends to a great restaurant once a month would help satisfy your “craving”….

  3. Hi Scooze,

    I totally agree with you. I need to leverage the girlfriends to indulge my foodie cravings, which was pretty much my point in this blog. The weekend was supposed to be about “us” and I definitely followed my own heart and gut when it came to planning. Had I just planned the one dinner I think that would have been the perfect compromise. But I think breakfast, lunch, dinner and another lunch may have been a tad overkill for a guy who is just happy with bar food 🙂

  4. Staying home becomes more important as the years go on, I think. Still, nice to travel occasionally!

  5. Marriage is always a work in progress. A masterpiece that is never quite finished as my wifey likes to put it. I can see how those things could happen. I always suggest doing things for the most part the my wife wants and her doing what she thinks I would want especially for anniversaries and bdays. Sending the kids away would be great! LOL

    • Hi Thomas, LOL yes, I would have to agree with your wife. I think we often feel like we should hit this magical age and just have it all figured out, but I am beginning to realize that is not true. Yes, I think the most essential ingredient for a successful couples event is not having the kids present. Thank you for stopping by!

  6. Cru says:

    When I was a youngster, we’d go to the mall as a family. Eventually my mom would point out that it’s time to leave because dad has that look on his face. When I asked what’s wrong with dad, she told me that he had been “malled.”

    For years, when I heard this word I never noticed the pun and spelled it “mauled” in my head. I could not figure out the meaning until she spelled it out for me.

    I understand it now, he was there for her and us—there was no real reason for him to come along to the mall. These days I have to turn to my wife and tell her I’ve been malled. She doesn’t realize. To her we’ve just been doing exactly what was supposed to happen that day. Poor dear old dad.

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