When my oldest son was little I was a frequent customer at places like Target, the mall, and Bed Bath & Beyond.
Shopping for me meant a lot of things. It was therapeutic, especially when I was feeling depressed (oddly enough, depressed about my lack of money was often the case). It was in search of bargains, which in hindsight ended up not being much of a bargain by the time I left. And it was a social activity. My then-husband and I would go shopping whenever we were bored. We said it was just to look around but we usually left with something in our cart.
It’s no surprise that I am now divorced (we really needed to find better entertainment), broke and raising a spoiled child.
During those days we had a small child and thought nothing of buying him “a little something” for being good in the stores. It was usually a couple of bucks and more than likely a Hot Wheels car. I’m sure there were times when it was something even bigger. But it was ALL THE TIME.
We were setting our child up for a poor future, a future that undoubtedly would have included debt. It became so bad that he expected something every time we went out and when I did say no, a temper tantrum always ensued. At first I’m sure we gave in and just bought a little trinket so that he wouldn’t throw a tantrum in the store. Eventually I realized what harm I was causing him and I started telling him something he rarely heard.
I told him “no!”
And I did it often!
It was hard at first, I had to deal with his temper tantrums. I dealt with them and eventually things improved. Now he doesn’t expect things from me when we go to the store however he still makes comments about getting things. Apparently his father has not yet given up this behavior and the kids both receive regular “little somethings” when they go out. And they still make a run for the store, “just because it was something to do.”
My youngest son doesn’t really care about things. He’d rather be doing something (playing, helping in the garden, tearing down the house or whatever) and he also doesn’t care about money. He’s only 5 1/2 but I think the difference with him is that I’ve always told him “no.”
My eight year old continues to desire things and in his mind, there is nothing better than money. He wants a lot of it. He wants to spend every single penny he can spend.
I’m working hard to correct these negative behaviors and focus on educating him about financial literacy. My dreams for his future do not include ones where he is a slave to debt, much like his mother.
Are your financial behaviors setting your children up for a lifetime of debt? Are you being the type of role model they need for financial success?
Good for you for realizing what was going on! You’re kids will benefit from what you’ve learned, for sure.
I sure hope that my wife and I are good financial influences. We talk about budgeting and frugal spending out in the open. I only hope that the kids are picking up some of it.
A bigger worry for me is college. It has become so expensive that I wonder if it is worth giving my kids to the option to go right to college, without either working first to figure out what they want to do, or going to a community college to reduce the expenses dramatically.