Cleaning Up After a Mess (Apology and Forgiveness)

Hello everyone, I hope you all had a terrific Easter Sunday! Today, I am starting the launch of the Love Everyday e-book tour. Each week, another piece of this great free resource will be hosted on each contributor’s respective blog.

My contribution might not appear to be related to money, but I assure you it is–even if indirectly. Money fights are something we all face when dealing with money, and the aftermath of those money fights determine our financial success or failure. If you don’t know how to apologize to or forgive your spouse, this money thing will seem impossible. If you learn how to manage your money, your relationship will improve, and if you learn how to improve your relationship, your money will become easier to manage.

What you are about to read is only one piece of a 27-chapter collaborative e-book written to help you learn how to make your marriage extraordinary amongst the chaos of life. After reading this post, be sure to download a complete copy of LOVE EVERYDAY absolutely free!

Cleaning Up After a Mess (Apology and Forgiveness)

Do you argue? Let’s face it—it’s something we all do. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can’t keep from saying hurtful things that end up turning a disagreement into a shout-fest. We make mistakes, and in doing so hurt those we love. Although we should try to find new ways to deal with our anger, there is something you can do—assuming you are sincere.

It’s Called Apologizing

A simple apology is essential to working through tough times, though there really isn’t anything simple about it. An apology requires many things from us that we’re sometimes too stubborn to acknowledge. We’re too proud; we lack the courage to take responsibility for what WE did wrong. We’re too busy pointing out what our spouse did wrong to even consider our own transgressions, which results in less time resolving conflict.

When conflict becomes negative, pause and ask yourself :

  • Am I actually listening to my spouse?
  • What could I have said or done differently?
  • How can I help this disagreement end productively?

Apologize based on your answers: take full responsibility for your mistakes. Notice these questions are only focused on what you can do to make things better. Stop judging your spouse, and instead judge the person in the mirror—the only person you can change.

If you argue with your spouse until you get them to admit you’re right, you haven’t changed their opinion. You have more than likely just convinced them the only way out of the argument is to agree. Nothing was solved, but the conversation ends. The problem still exists.

Furthermore, when you apologize, make it count. Show that you mean it by explaining why you are sorry. The word sorry alone doesn’t cut it. Mean it—because your sincerity will yield much better results.

There are always two sides to a story, especially during a marital dispute. It can get pretty ugly pretty quickly, and do you know what that means? There are two grown-ups who have some apologizing to do, and whenever someone
needs to apologize, forgiveness comes into play.

Forgiveness and the need to apologize go hand-in-hand. Without both, you risk the chance of harboring resentment. Resentment will destroy the strongest of marriages if left unchecked. If you should apologize and don’t, the risk of resentment is very real. Resentment, like cancer, destroys everything in you wanting to make it work.

If you find that you are having trouble forgiving your spouse, resentment and anger may have reached a dangerous level. This, of course, depends on the gravity of the error. It is obviously more challenging to forgive someone when they have completely shattered your trust. For some, the next step is to visit a professional counselor.

Remember this is a team effort. You should both agree on how to deal with conflict. Take time to discuss how you will handle it, once it has crossed respectful discourse. One, if not both of you, assuming it has been discussed, will know when that moment has arrived. Remind each other about your mutually agreed-upon plan of action. It is the perfect time to take a break to gather your thoughts, look in the mirror, and return with a new focus and desire to work together. Your marriage will depend on it.

Teach yourself the lost art of apology and forgiveness, and watch your relationship grow by leaps and bounds.

Next Week: Don’t forget to check out Behind the Wheel: What’s Steering Your Relationship? on My Super-Charged Life!

If you enjoyed this article please share this free download with your family and friends. Get your FREE copy of LOVE EVERYDAY today!

About Brad Chaffee

4 Responses to “Cleaning Up After a Mess (Apology and Forgiveness)”

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  1. Brad – I think that learning to properly apologize for your mistakes and to fully forgive your spouse is one of the most important things you can do to make your marriage last. As you say, we all mess up. We are human and therefore we hurt others from time-to-time even the one we love the most. How you deal with a hurtful mistake after one occurs is of the utmost importance.

    Thanks for kicking off the e-book tour! I hope everyone takes a minute to check out all the articles. There are some truly great ones in the e-book!

  2. Thanks for kicking off this e-book tour! I really enjoyed this contribution, and I think it’s one of the most important lessons we can learn. When we can truly forgive and ask for forgiveness, we can achieve extraordinary things in our relationships and lives.

  3. James says:

    Fights and or disagreements happen, we all know that. What if before we got married future husband and wife both talked about their financial situations and got there finances out in the open, would this help?

    I personally am not married there was one girl who out of the many really made an amazing impression on me thought. She had a good job, but when it came down to it our fiances did not match up, she had a car loan, two house payments, student loans and loved to spend every penny. You can probably guess I am the opposite, we I guess we both were. At the time we talked about our expenses it was obvious that we did not see eye to eye. That was not a deal breaker but it definitely didn’t help.

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