Choose Role Models To Drive Internal Change

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Over the weekend, my cousin’s husband ran the Green Bay Marathon. His official time was 3 hours, 7 minutes and 18 seconds, with an average pace of 7:09 per mile. His time was good enough to qualify him for the Boston Marathon. I’m in complete awe at his accomplishment, as it’s something that I hope to do some day as well.

It wasn’t hard to be just a little jealous.

I was thinking about my inklings of jealousy as I was driving around running errands yesterday afternoon, and then relating it to my post last week about the Joneses. Were my feelings just another form of wanting what other people had, instead of just being satisfied with what I’m able to accomplish with the skills and abilities that I have?

It felt different, and eventually I put my finger on it.

External Vs. Internal Motivation

When we traditionally talk about keeping up with the Joneses, we envision the purchase of things, or performing actions that are done primarily for external appearances. We think that by buying or doing these things, we will look more attractive or more successful to others.

The underlying purpose is external.

When we instead focus our desires and dreams on internal change the result is much different. I’m not jealous of my in-law, my feelings are of admiration. His accomplishment does not make me jealous, but it did spark a fire inside me to work just a little harder. Not because I want to be congratulated by others, not because I want to look more successful to others, but because his accomplishment made me realize that I am not using my abilities to their fullest. I realized that while I may never run a marathon in 3 hours and 7 minutes, I can push myself to do better. I can be better.

The driving force is internal.

Choose The Right Role Model

Instead of keeping up with the Joneses, I’d rather model myself after a different (virtual) family. Let me introduce you to the Smiths. The Smiths also just bought a new, expensive vehicle, but they’ll be driving it until it falls apart. They enjoy walks together in the evening, and going to every one of their kid’s sporting events. They don’t spend a lot of money on extravagant vacations or dining out.

Because they are wise with their money, when they do decide to go on vacation, the cash is there. When something breaks in their home, they have the funds to fix or replace it. When they want to do a home improvement project, they don’t borrow money. They sit down and figure out a time frame in which they can do it without stretching themselves too thin. They save for the future, which sometimes results in them not being able to do something else at the snap of the fingers.

Doesn’t that sound like a low stress, almost serene lifestyle?

Seeing people like that doesn’t make me jealous, it fills me with admiration. Similar to my in-law’s marathon accomplishment, it makes me want to do better with our finances. It makes me want to be better.

It drives internal change.

I heard this quote from a motivational speaker recently; “Real happiness in life comes from being the person you want to be.”

The key here is the word, “being.” Not appearing, but truly being the person you want to be. The hard part is figuring out who you truly want to be. As I mentioned last week, after 41 years, my vision of who I truly want to be in life is becoming clear. By choosing the right role models, and using them as motivation to drive internal change, I will become that person.