Image courtesy of pakorn at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
A friend mentioned over the weekend that she wanted to do more adventurous things with her husband. She didn’t want to wake up 20 years from now, and look back at all the things they talked about doing but never did.
Our conversation made me think of a recent experience of my own.
I crossed the finish line of Grandma’s Marathon in just over 4 hours and 23 minutes. After a volunteer put my finisher’s metal around my neck I took a few more steps, and my lower body completely cramped up. I could barely move my legs, any step over 6 inches in length was excruciatingly painful. When I finally got to a nearby restaurant where my wife and friends were meeting me, I sat down and fought back tears for nearly half an hour before the cramping subsided enough to give me relief. I vowed at that moment that I had run my last marathon. I was ready to let go of my dream of one day qualifying for the Boston Marathon.
My mind shifted, and suddenly I was imagining a conversation between myself as I am today, and a Travis from 20 years in the future.
Older/Wiser Travis: “Hey, you know you never qualified for Boston. What happened to that?”
Travis of Today: “After Grandma’s Marathon I realized that I’m more of a half-marathon guy. I didn’t ever want to experience that kind of pain again.”
Older/Wiser Travis: “But you know that was likely due to dehydration because you didn’t drink anything after mile 20. Not to mention being undertrained. You bought books and read them after that marathon. You know that you had to train much differently to achieve a Boston Qualifying time.”
Travis of Today: “Yeah, well. I didn’t think I had the ability to do it.”
Older/Wiser Travis: “You’re just scared. Scared that you’d try and fail. That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
Travis of Today (eyes staring at ground) : “Yeah, maybe.”
Older/Wiser Travis: “Another thing, why didn’t you prepare better for retirement? Vonnie and I could use some extra cash flow right now.”
Travis of Today : “What do you mean? I’m contributing to the 401K, I started building funds in an Health Savings Account this year. What else do you want?”
Older/Wiser Travis : “There’s more you could be doing.”
Travis of Today : “But I don’t think I’ll be able to do the things I want to do today if I divert more funds to retirement. I mean we want to do fun things now too, right?”
Older/Wiser Travis : “Excuses, excuses. What you’re really saying is that you’re scared that you can’t mange your money more efficiently. More bullshit.”
Travis of Today (eyes still staring at the ground) : “Yeah, maybe.”
Wow, Travis in twenty years sounds pissed, and he should be. I’ve left him with unfulfilled dreams, and insufficient cash for retirement simply because of a little thing called fear. Fear of failing. Fear of not being perfect.
It might take me 5 or 10 more marathons to whittle my time down. I might not have the physical ability to ever get a marathon time that would qualify for the Boston Marathon. But how will I know if I never try? I almost certainly will achieve a better time than I have thus far in life.
What if I set a goal for how much I want set aside for retirement and not make it? What if I only get 90% or 80% of my goal? I almost certainly will have more than I would if I just keep doing what I’m doing now.
I listened to a motivational speech from Les Brown over the weekend in which he stated that people can choose to live their fears, or they can choose to live their dreams. Too many people are living their fears. Whether it’s a target number for retirement, running a marathon, or having enough passive income to sustain your lifestyle indefinitely. Choose to live your dreams, because it’s the thought of what could be that makes life worth living.
Are you living your fears, or are you living your dreams?
I had a similar conversation with my friend Buck.
As I get older, I too feel that there are regrets for not doing things I should have and missing opportunities. Certainly I could have saved and invested better. Made more informed and less emotional decisions.
Now I am at the cusp of finally leaving work behind and I am struggling with that process. I know from my reading that those have made the jump, generally are happier as a result.
Good for you, Bryan….better to realize it late than never!
My oldest sister is playing her best tennis ever. She’s 60, and she’s competing in the Canadian National Senior Masters Tournament in Montreal right now. She’s won her first two matches, and her next opponent will be the expected champion – #1 seed. I remember when she first started to devote a lot of time to tennis in her 40s, someone questioned it. “It’s not as if she’s ever going to compete seriously at this point!” Imagine if she had listened to that voice! Instead, with no regrets, she is living her dream. I’m glad you’re planning to do the same.
That’s awesome, Prudence…..it’s NEVER too late to work on a dream…NEVER!
Your marathon is my freelancing on some days. It would be “easy” to just give up and find a full time job and compromise what I enjoy doing in exchange for a less financially tight life. But what would my 20-year-into the future self say about that? I’m sure she would scold me. FEAR is a nasty sonofabitch, and if we let it it can get the best of us. Don’t give up on your marathon dreams Travis!
Thanks, Tonya, I won’t let that sonsofbitches hold me back! 🙂
Trying to live the dream! Even with being out of work, I’m not just focused on a replacement job, I’m looking for something different more fulfilling. Good Luck Travis!
Find that job that you WANT to wake up and go to every day, Brian…I know you’ll find it soon!
I definitely feel like I am living the dream! I have a lot of responsibility since no one in this house has a “real job”‘ but we have two kids, but I feel like I am moving forward and not looking back. Great post, Travis.
There’s certainly something satisfying about living your dream….AND realizing that you’re doing it. I admire you and Greg for choosing the path you have and being successful at it!
Fear, the great motivator or the great de-motivator, how will you let it impact you?
“If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm…..”
Wow this is an awesome post Travis. It forced me to reflect a bit on what I’d look back on and potentially regret and/or what was actually just “fear of failure.” There’s so many things I could be doing and I definitely have made excuses but really I’m just afraid of failing at something. You definitely need to peal back a few layers to reveal those feelings.
People float through life, just “being.” They forget how much there is to do, to learn, and to experience. We all have the opportunity to keep working on ourselves, bettering ourselves, and fully enjoying life!